My Greatest Fear

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My greatest fear is that I will look back on my life one day and realize that I didn’t walk in the fullness of what God had for my life. It would devastate me to think that I didn’t do my best for the person I love the most. Not because He demands it, but simply because I love Him. It’s easy to settle and compromise and there is always a temptation to go there but compromise is cheap. It leads to half a reward and half a breakthrough, which is not our inheritance.

I am reminded that Jesus never took a short cut to fulfill the Father’s will even when He could have many times. The steady, unwavering love He had for the Father and for all mankind is what kept Him going until He demonstrated the greatest act of love by becoming the ultimate sacrifice. That type of love is unrelenting and fierce. It doesn’t falter in the face of mockery, accusation, or even death.

Unlike any other fear, the fear that drives me is rooted in love for the Lord. I remember Pastor Bill Johnson mentioning in a sermon once, “Only the fear of the Lord has us running toward God when every other fear has us running from him.” I told the Lord that I am “all in” for Him several years ago. I made this decision when I met the Holy Spirit. While the process and the journey has been challenging at times, it’s nothing compared to the peace, joy, freedom, and life I receive from the Lord. It’s always increasing. Every day, every week, every year. His love propels me toward the goal for His glory and for His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. I write this in my weakness as a wife, a friend, and as a human being, but knowing full well that it’s His grace that sustains me day in and day out.

It has definitely been a narrow road to journey on, but there is no other road I would rather be on. I am forever grateful to my Savior, my friend, my Great Reward, for taking me out of destruction and placing my feet on solid ground. He alone gives me purpose and hope.

Victory in Battle

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In a vision, I was equipped with a sword, and in front of me was an enormous snake. This snake was as huge as the one in Aladdin when Jafar turns into a snake and keeps growing to keep Jasmine hostage. I was dodging this snake as it tried to bite me from both sides. I kept my sword pointed and tried to take a few jabs at it. I knew I would be done for if the snake sank its teeth and powerful jaws into me since I was so small compared to the snake. The snake then coiled its head back and breathed a stream of fire towards my direction. I lifted my shield, and it completely protected me from the fire. Just as I was getting weary from the fight, I saw Father God behind me. He was so big I could only see His toe! As I kept gazing on Him with wonder and astonishment, I started to grow! I grew and grew and grew until the snake looked like the size of a silk worm. I then watched my Father crush the snake with the heel of His foot and I copied His exact movements.

I believe there is a mighty battle going on right now with this spirit. This spirit brings offense, bitterness, and suffocation through slander, judgement, and curses. It twists and turns the truth like an anaconda killing its prey. Just like in the vision, if we allow the effects of offense and bitterness anchor its nasty fangs into our hearts, it would be devastating. We are called to give grace just as we’ve received much grace from the Lord.

If you’re in a situation where you feel misjudged or wrongly accused, continue to gaze on the Lord. As we submit our hearts to Him for open evaluation and correction, and stay in that place of humility, the Lord will defend us in the battle. He will teach us how to take authority over our real enemy, the spirit behind the injustice. Let’s continue blessing those who mistreat us or curse us and pray that the Lord covers our hearts to protect it from any bitterness or offense. We will experience great VICTORY when we humble ourselves before the Lord. The result of humility brings about many amazing fruit, but one of them is growing in authority. The Lord lifts the humble and lowers the proud. “The one who sows in righteousness reaps a sure reward” (Provers 11:18). Like Jesus, we need to do nothing by ourselves and do only what we see the Father is doing (John 5:19). He is a good Father and always “has our back”.

Divine Acceleration

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I see Jesus taking different colored boxes and aligning them one by one in a row. I knew the boxes were colored differently because each one had a unique surprise in them.

While some may feel like they are engaged in a mighty battle, amazing and divine alignments are happening behind the scenes that are going to blow us out of the water! I feel like the divine alignment taking place will open timely doors of favor to opportunities and key relationships.

I also saw a white clock with the hour hand and minute hand moving forward unnaturally fast. It made a few laps around the clock as if time was being fast forwarded. The Lord has begun the acceleration process in our lives! I feel like this season of acceleration will bring SUDDEN breakthrough in redeeming, restoring, and healing many lost and destroyed areas the locusts have eaten from our past. Although the enemy tried to burn and destroy our fields, the Lord is repaying us for what we lost and even using the burnt soil as fertilizer for our next season of blooming and flourishing!

As we make room in our hearts for the Father, a new Holy Fire will burn within us! We have entered into the season of promise and abundance! While the Father is always true to His promises, I invite you to press in with all you’ve got in this season. I recently heard this quote that has been reverberating within my spirit since. “While God will always keep His promises, He is not responsible in keeping our potential.” Let’s continue to seek His face in the secret place where deep intimacy, alignment, and transformation happens through the encounter with our loving Father.

Covenant Friendships

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True transformation happens when we have an encounter with Jesus Christ and accept Him as our Lord and Savior. Our old self dies and we are re-born of the Holy Spirit. We are a new creation!

There may be some people from your past who may not understand your transformation and they may even go as far as to spread gossip and accusations about you. Know that this is first and foremost a spiritual battle and our true enemy is a spiritual one. The enemy tries to remind you of your old life in hopes that you’ll fall back into the shackles of shame and condemnation, but I say to you that that “you” has been long dead if you are in Christ Jesus! You are a new creation and you are completely free in Him! The price has been paid for every situation, stronghold, and sin –  past or future. We are victorious in Christ and we fight from victory, not for it!

The very reason why Jesus, who is perfect and sinless, couldn’t do mighty miracles in His hometown of Nazareth was for that reason, unbelief. Even when He laid His hands on the sick and healed them, they did not believe. Blinded by their unbelief, they passed judgment on Him from what they saw through their natural eyes instead of discerning through the eyes of their hearts. They missed out on knowing and supporting the greatest person who ever walked the earth.

Your character will always outlive any temporary accusation or gossip spoken over you. Bless those who curse you. There is a blessing waiting for you on the other side. The Lord has covenant friendships and even a tribe for you to run this marathon with! In this tribe, there will be no jealousy, hostility, judgment, or accusation. There will be honor and agape love. There will be mutual recognition of the anointing and mantles assigned to each person. There will be encouragement and support for one another to fulfill the God given mandates on their lives! An example of this is Jonathan. He was the natural heir to the throne of Israel but he had eyes to recognize the God given anointing that rested upon David’s life to be king of Israel. Jonathan made a covenant with David and vowed his support to help David live out his mandate from the Lord. Covenant friendships operate from this kind of love and sacrifice.

I bless you to know how special you are in Christ! If you haven’t met covenant friends or a covenant tribe, I pray that the Lord will orchestrate those divine relationships in His timing for your life. I bless you with peace, joy, and confidence in who you are in Jesus Christ!

 

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” – 1 Peter 3:9

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” – Romans 8:1-2

“He went away from there and came to his hometown, and his disciples followed him. And on the Sabbath he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished, saying, “Where did this man get these things? What is the wisdom given to him? How are such mighty works done by his hands?  Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. And Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.” And he could do no mighty work there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and healed them. And he marveled because of their unbelief.

And he went about among the villages teaching.” – Mark 6: 1-6

Anointed For Glory

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I saw a vision of a man lying face down in the presence of Jesus. The man’s posture said it all – complete trust, complete surrender, and complete humility before the Lord. In that place of surrender and intimacy, I saw Jesus holding a golden vase in His hand. He poured the entire vase of oil over the man, anointing Him.

In the Word it says that the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flows from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.  (Revelations 22:1-2).

When we are anointed by the Father, the river of the Father’s love and power flows through us to a person or even a nation. We are made to be powerful conduits of His love! This is the same river of life that flows from the throne of the Father directly into the vessel of our hearts! As pure vessels of His anointing, we must understand that we are not anointed for personal gain but anointed to host an encounter with the True and Living God. The world is desperate for real encounters with Jesus. He’s the only one able to lead the lost and suffering to salvation, deliverance, and lasting transformation!

The evidence of the Father’s anointing in our lives is shown through the presence of joy, peace, and intimacy with Him. Like the man in the vision, we must be laid low in His presence with a humble and pure heart. As we continue to face our deepest pains and fears with courage and trust in Jesus, we gain authority, wisdom, and faith to aid those who may be suffering in similar ways.

It’s freeing on so many levels to know that it is Jesus, the Anointed One, in us and through us, who partners with us to bring the Kingdom wherever we go. He is our great reward. He is our promise. To Him be the glory forever and ever.

 

Unshakable

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Everything that can be shaken will be shaken but what remains will be unshakable. (Hebrews 12:27)

Some of us are in a season where the Father is orchestrating a divine shaking. He is going after everything that has exalted itself above Him in our lives, whether that is our greatest fear, a stronghold that has kept us from experiencing the fullness of His love, a lie that has kept us from knowing who we are in Christ, or an idol sitting on the throne of our hearts.

I feel the fire of testing and pruning through trials in my own personal life. I feel as though I am engaged in the greatest battle I have ever faced so far in my life. If you feel like you’re in a similar season, know that we will come out of the fiery trials victorious and forever changed! We will soar higher than we could have ever flown with our own might and cover distance farther than our wildest dreams. I believe this is a critical season to press into His presence, even if our feelings and thoughts say otherwise. We are being divinely set-up for breakthrough and aligned for His greater purposes for our lives. Praise the Lord for victory in the small battles because the war is about to be won!

The Importance of Vision

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Our hearts become void of hope and get robbed of courage when we lose vision. We lose vision when we see ourselves or our circumstances through distorted lenses. To help us see rightly, the Lord put eternity into our hearts and promised to make everything beautiful in its own time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Out of all of creation the Lord could have chosen to place eternity, He chose to place it in the hearts of His sons and daughters. DO YOU EVER FEEL DESTINED FOR GREATNESS? It’s because you ARE destined for greatness. Maybe you have dreams in your heart that spring up once in a while. I believe this glimpse of clarity is the Father allowing us to peer through the curtains of time to see who we are in Him and what we will do for His Kingdom in our lifetime. Don’t get me wrong. His love for us always remains constant and overflowing. Even if we never do a single thing for Him in our lives, the degree to which He loves us wouldn’t change because His love is unconditional. But when He allows us to peer through the curtains of eternity, we gain strength and vision. We know the goal and purpose of our adversity, pain, trials, and seasons of pruning. The fruit we bear in our lives and the advancement we make for His Kingdom are worth it all. Our assignments may differ but we all carry Christ in us, the hope of glory (Colossians 1:27). It’s not a matter of IF we will receive His promises over our lives, it’s simply a matter of when. He is true to His word. Let’s remember to see clearly in the midst of the storm and have joy knowing that the testing of our faith through the storm produces endurance and when our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete, lacking nothing (James 1:2-4).

 

New Every Morning

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“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” – Lamentations 3:22-23

It stuns me that God’s mercies are new every morning. Every single morning we have NEW mercies freely given by God! When God says new, it means something entirely different from our definition of new. Just like in Revelations it talks about the four living creatures with six wings and eyes all around and within, and day and night they NEVER cease to say, “Holy, holy, holy, is The Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!” (Revelations 4:8). The four angels are in the perfect presence of God and are receiving NEW revelations of God every second. A download of an entirely different revelation and dimension of his love and of his goodness, every second for eternity long. They can’t cease to praise Him and aren’t even able to look at Him due to His imminent glory. Even typing this makes me want to burst. My physical mind and body can’t comprehend how good, how deep, how wide, how long, how great his love is and we’ll get to learn this for eternity long.

I’m realizing more and more that my stay in Mexico City is multi-layered and multi-dimensional. I’m getting the best spiritual and physical rest I’ve ever had in years. I strongly believe this is true because Benny and Janice’s home is heavily anointed with healing and saturated with the Lord’s peace. I am receiving intense healing as well as cutting soul ties made from past relationships. I recently cut a soul tie (I thought I cut over a year ago) made with someone I believed I loved back in high school. I’ve been haunted with dreams of that person for many years all the way up until I cut the soul tie a couple days ago. That period of time in my life was definitely one of the darkest times whether it was home life or social life. I made so many inner vows, living in this fantasy dream world I created to escape the reality of depression, pain, hopelessness, and darkness. Korean dramas didn’t help (haha – but seriously). I also realize after my session with Janice that cutting a soul tie is so much deeper and heavily layered than I thought. I even rescued back the part of my heart I lost in that experience and also the butterfly feelings I left back there many years ago! As I was renouncing all the lies and curses, I literally felt a lift of all that heaviness that was on me all these years and was restored with Jesus’ joy, peace, and hope. I have always been a believer and advocate of inner healing, but after the past couple sessions with Janice, I believe everyone should get it. We all have some sort of hurt or affliction we’ve faced at a certain point in our lives. We even have hurts that we’ve forgotten about. It’s so important to give it to The Lord. It’s His burden to carry any way. He even wants the pain.

I’ve had the honor of being Janice’s shadow here. She has gotten permission from all the girls at the Well for me to sit in on their inner healing sessions. But before I get into that, let me introduce you to Janice. She is one of the most gifted, humble, God fearing, God loving women I’ve had the utmost honor of meeting. She is really abandoned for Him and embodies the Proverbs 31 woman. Like really. Janice and her husband were called as missionaries here to open up the Well – a safe house for trafficked victims eight years ago. She is so content with what she has and finds joy in the smallest things. She was designed to do hard work in the trenches. Because the Holy Spirit moves so powerfully through her, it keeps her humble. There’s no formula to follow for these inner healing sessions. For each session and each girl, God says something entirely different. Being her shadow these past couple weeks have taught me so much more than what I’ve learned in the past couple years. She is such an answer to my prayers and to all the questions I’ve been asking the Lord for many years. Being able to partner with Janice in these sessions have sharpened my spiritual gifts as we would confirm each other’s revelations or see different revelations the Lord wants to bring freedom to in that girl’s life. The inner healing sessions has increased my faith in the Lord as well as humbled me. I’ve learned that EVERY act requires faith and humility ushers in the Spirit.

Although the average person may have around 6 critical areas from their life to heal from, the average list for these girls is about 40. They have been severely broken from a familial, spiritual, and physical level. Their stories are so tragic with some of them being sold into slavery by their very own parents out of greed for money or some of them falling into deception when a pimp paints a better life for them and pulls them out of a small village with a promise of a great job waiting for them. Some pimps even impregnate the girls telling them that they’re their husbands. They will then use the child as ransom and make them sell their bodies or else their child’s life will be in danger. I can go on and on with tragic stories. But amongst the tragedy, I see new mercies for these girls. I see Him restoring their identity, their worth, and their dreams. Seeing Jesus work so gently with them and seeing the courage these girls have (beaten but not defeated) just fuels my heart all the more to chase after God. I am so jealous for these girls. The theme song for this trip has been this:

Come away with me, come away with me
It’s not too late; it’s never too late for you
I (God) have a plan for you; I have a plan for you
It’s going to be wild! It’s going to be great! It’s going to be full of me!
Open up your heart and let me in

My heart sings this song over these girls, the pimps, and the johns. I want them to come away with Jesus. The Healer, The Protector, The Messiah, The Truth, The Life, The Bridegroom, The Provider, The Sanctuary, The Redeemer, The Good Shepard, The Great I Am, The King of Kings, The Lord of Hosts, The Holy One, The Bright and Morning Star…

It’s never too late. His mercies are NEW EVERY morning.

Beautiful Things

“God designed your life for the purpose of making it beautiful”

Before I start updating about this amazing journey so far, I just really have to express my deepest gratitude to my brothers and sisters who have and continue to support me. Thank you for every single prayer as I seriously feel it shielding me, lifting me up, guiding me, but most of all, I feel the love! Thank you. To my brothers and sisters who have been and are continuing to support me financially, thank you as well! None of this would be possible without your partnership. I’m just so blown away by the family of God.

The past couple days have been life changing. I came down to Mexico City with a team from Newsong. The team consisted of 13 people and the plan was that they stay for 5 days and I stay for a month. The past 5 days with the team and with Benny and Janice (the missionaries here) have been the definition of Philippians 2. Complete unity and humility exemplified in each member of the team:

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by being obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

On one of the nights we had the honor of throwing a Flash Mob on Sullivan St. This street is the main street where the prostitutes stand. There are about 100 girls standing down this stretch of street and there are constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY cars lined up to check out these girls and pick up the ones they approve.

A little background, the girls get paid anywhere from 5-10 pesos (equivalent to around $0.30 – $0.60USD) per client. Double for unprotected sex and the pimps tell the girls to take those clients because it’s good money. Each girl owes her pimp 300 pesos each day and anything left over is their’s. If we do the math, that’s around 30 clients per day. Almost impossible. There is a lot of mind control and greed in play. My fire for these girls was desperate.

As we set up the Flash Mob party station with hot chocolate, taco station, manicure & hand massage station for the girls, I grab a cup of hot chocolate and walk across the street to talk to the girls and see if they wanted one. I saw their pimp scanning the area and making sure his “merchandise” was safe. His face looked so hardened. I hear the Lord telling me to give the cup of hot chocolate to the pimp and I immediately say “NO!” but the Lord says again, ” Give it to him.” So I reluctantly agree because usually when the Lord asks to do something, He wants to release heaven through you. If he asks twice, you better get moving (haha). So I approach him and have a conversation with him in Spanish:

Me: hola.
Pimp: (ignores me and looks away)
Me: (angrily) Hola! Quiere chocolate caliente?
Pimp: No.
Me: come on!!! Hace frio no??? Tengo frio.
Pimp: sí. (Hesitantly takes hot chocolate)

This did something to me. I had a chance to love the pimp and humanize him. His name is Carlos! It was evident that he had to harden his heart to be in this industry. He’s internalized that he was a monster and beyond redemption and it showed in his physical appearance. I’m going to pray for him. God placed his love for his son in me as we chatted and connected on a very human level. We crossed paths twice more that night and he taught me a couple Spanish words. By the time I saw him again, his face completely changed! It was much softer somehow and much brighter. I felt the goodness of the Lord and his heart for Carlos as the Lord pointed out that he is simply a little boy who has been hurt and afflicted in the past. God loves Carlos so much. He is after his heart. Shame & darkness perpetuates shame & darkness but I will be like Christ and take those nails and say that he is a son and that he is worthy enough for God’s love. Who am I to judge? Through this humbling experience I’m even more convinced of our mission as Christians:

1. Love God
2. Love others

Through loving God, the overflow of his grace, love, and forgiveness gives us the ability to love others. But it’s from that place of stillness in the Lord’s presence that anything good can happen in us and through us. God is moving here. He wants to make beautiful things out of every single son and daughter he has created. I’m so blown away by this experience as I struggled in my own heart with judging the “unlovable” and “unforgivable”. I’m learning God’s heart for justice and how he is desperate to set the captives free. Captives who are enslaved to greed, control, shame, unforgiveness, deception, etc. He wants to reunite with his children. Hear the Father’s cry. He is waiting with abounding grace and arms wide open to receive those of his children who have been separated from Him. God bless you.

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