My Greatest Fear

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My greatest fear is that I will look back on my life one day and realize that I didn’t walk in the fullness of what God had for my life. It would devastate me to think that I didn’t do my best for the person I love the most. Not because He demands it, but simply because I love Him. It’s easy to settle and compromise and there is always a temptation to go there but compromise is cheap. It leads to half a reward and half a breakthrough, which is not our inheritance.

I am reminded that Jesus never took a short cut to fulfill the Father’s will even when He could have many times. The steady, unwavering love He had for the Father and for all mankind is what kept Him going until He demonstrated the greatest act of love by becoming the ultimate sacrifice. That type of love is unrelenting and fierce. It doesn’t falter in the face of mockery, accusation, or even death.

Unlike any other fear, the fear that drives me is rooted in love for the Lord. I remember Pastor Bill Johnson mentioning in a sermon once, “Only the fear of the Lord has us running toward God when every other fear has us running from him.” I told the Lord that I am “all in” for Him several years ago. I made this decision when I met the Holy Spirit. While the process and the journey has been challenging at times, it’s nothing compared to the peace, joy, freedom, and life I receive from the Lord. It’s always increasing. Every day, every week, every year. His love propels me toward the goal for His glory and for His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. I write this in my weakness as a wife, a friend, and as a human being, but knowing full well that it’s His grace that sustains me day in and day out.

It has definitely been a narrow road to journey on, but there is no other road I would rather be on. I am forever grateful to my Savior, my friend, my Great Reward, for taking me out of destruction and placing my feet on solid ground. He alone gives me purpose and hope.

Victory in Battle

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In a vision, I was equipped with a sword, and in front of me was an enormous snake. This snake was as huge as the one in Aladdin when Jafar turns into a snake and keeps growing to keep Jasmine hostage. I was dodging this snake as it tried to bite me from both sides. I kept my sword pointed and tried to take a few jabs at it. I knew I would be done for if the snake sank its teeth and powerful jaws into me since I was so small compared to the snake. The snake then coiled its head back and breathed a stream of fire towards my direction. I lifted my shield, and it completely protected me from the fire. Just as I was getting weary from the fight, I saw Father God behind me. He was so big I could only see His toe! As I kept gazing on Him with wonder and astonishment, I started to grow! I grew and grew and grew until the snake looked like the size of a silk worm. I then watched my Father crush the snake with the heel of His foot and I copied His exact movements.

I believe there is a mighty battle going on right now with this spirit. This spirit brings offense, bitterness, and suffocation through slander, judgement, and curses. It twists and turns the truth like an anaconda killing its prey. Just like in the vision, if we allow the effects of offense and bitterness anchor its nasty fangs into our hearts, it would be devastating. We are called to give grace just as we’ve received much grace from the Lord.

If you’re in a situation where you feel misjudged or wrongly accused, continue to gaze on the Lord. As we submit our hearts to Him for open evaluation and correction, and stay in that place of humility, the Lord will defend us in the battle. He will teach us how to take authority over our real enemy, the spirit behind the injustice. Let’s continue blessing those who mistreat us or curse us and pray that the Lord covers our hearts to protect it from any bitterness or offense. We will experience great VICTORY when we humble ourselves before the Lord. The result of humility brings about many amazing fruit, but one of them is growing in authority. The Lord lifts the humble and lowers the proud. “The one who sows in righteousness reaps a sure reward” (Provers 11:18). Like Jesus, we need to do nothing by ourselves and do only what we see the Father is doing (John 5:19). He is a good Father and always “has our back”.

Divine Acceleration

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I see Jesus taking different colored boxes and aligning them one by one in a row. I knew the boxes were colored differently because each one had a unique surprise in them.

While some may feel like they are engaged in a mighty battle, amazing and divine alignments are happening behind the scenes that are going to blow us out of the water! I feel like the divine alignment taking place will open timely doors of favor to opportunities and key relationships.

I also saw a white clock with the hour hand and minute hand moving forward unnaturally fast. It made a few laps around the clock as if time was being fast forwarded. The Lord has begun the acceleration process in our lives! I feel like this season of acceleration will bring SUDDEN breakthrough in redeeming, restoring, and healing many lost and destroyed areas the locusts have eaten from our past. Although the enemy tried to burn and destroy our fields, the Lord is repaying us for what we lost and even using the burnt soil as fertilizer for our next season of blooming and flourishing!

As we make room in our hearts for the Father, a new Holy Fire will burn within us! We have entered into the season of promise and abundance! While the Father is always true to His promises, I invite you to press in with all you’ve got in this season. I recently heard this quote that has been reverberating within my spirit since. “While God will always keep His promises, He is not responsible in keeping our potential.” Let’s continue to seek His face in the secret place where deep intimacy, alignment, and transformation happens through the encounter with our loving Father.

Covenant Friendships

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True transformation happens when we have an encounter with Jesus Christ and accept Him as our Lord and Savior. Our old self dies and we are re-born of the Holy Spirit. We are a new creation!

There may be some people from your past who may not understand your transformation and they may even go as far as to spread gossip and accusations about you. Know that this is first and foremost a spiritual battle and our true enemy is a spiritual one. The enemy tries to remind you of your old life in hopes that you’ll fall back into the shackles of shame and condemnation, but I say to you that that “you” has been long dead if you are in Christ Jesus! You are a new creation and you are completely free in Him! The price has been paid for every situation, stronghold, and sin –  past or future. We are victorious in Christ and we fight from victory, not for it!

The very reason why Jesus, who is perfect and sinless, couldn’t do mighty miracles in His hometown of Nazareth was for that reason, unbelief. Even when He laid His hands on the sick and healed them, they did not believe. Blinded by their unbelief, they passed judgment on Him from what they saw through their natural eyes instead of discerning through the eyes of their hearts. They missed out on knowing and supporting the greatest person who ever walked the earth.

Your character will always outlive any temporary accusation or gossip spoken over you. Bless those who curse you. There is a blessing waiting for you on the other side. The Lord has covenant friendships and even a tribe for you to run this marathon with! In this tribe, there will be no jealousy, hostility, judgment, or accusation. There will be honor and agape love. There will be mutual recognition of the anointing and mantles assigned to each person. There will be encouragement and support for one another to fulfill the God given mandates on their lives! An example of this is Jonathan. He was the natural heir to the throne of Israel but he had eyes to recognize the God given anointing that rested upon David’s life to be king of Israel. Jonathan made a covenant with David and vowed his support to help David live out his mandate from the Lord. Covenant friendships operate from this kind of love and sacrifice.

I bless you to know how special you are in Christ! If you haven’t met covenant friends or a covenant tribe, I pray that the Lord will orchestrate those divine relationships in His timing for your life. I bless you with peace, joy, and confidence in who you are in Jesus Christ!

 

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” – 1 Peter 3:9

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” – Romans 8:1-2

“He went away from there and came to his hometown, and his disciples followed him. And on the Sabbath he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished, saying, “Where did this man get these things? What is the wisdom given to him? How are such mighty works done by his hands?  Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. And Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.” And he could do no mighty work there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and healed them. And he marveled because of their unbelief.

And he went about among the villages teaching.” – Mark 6: 1-6

Anointed For Glory

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I saw a vision of a man lying face down in the presence of Jesus. The man’s posture said it all – complete trust, complete surrender, and complete humility before the Lord. In that place of surrender and intimacy, I saw Jesus holding a golden vase in His hand. He poured the entire vase of oil over the man, anointing Him.

In the Word it says that the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flows from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.  (Revelations 22:1-2).

When we are anointed by the Father, the river of the Father’s love and power flows through us to a person or even a nation. We are made to be powerful conduits of His love! This is the same river of life that flows from the throne of the Father directly into the vessel of our hearts! As pure vessels of His anointing, we must understand that we are not anointed for personal gain but anointed to host an encounter with the True and Living God. The world is desperate for real encounters with Jesus. He’s the only one able to lead the lost and suffering to salvation, deliverance, and lasting transformation!

The evidence of the Father’s anointing in our lives is shown through the presence of joy, peace, and intimacy with Him. Like the man in the vision, we must be laid low in His presence with a humble and pure heart. As we continue to face our deepest pains and fears with courage and trust in Jesus, we gain authority, wisdom, and faith to aid those who may be suffering in similar ways.

It’s freeing on so many levels to know that it is Jesus, the Anointed One, in us and through us, who partners with us to bring the Kingdom wherever we go. He is our great reward. He is our promise. To Him be the glory forever and ever.

 

Unshakable

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Everything that can be shaken will be shaken but what remains will be unshakable. (Hebrews 12:27)

Some of us are in a season where the Father is orchestrating a divine shaking. He is going after everything that has exalted itself above Him in our lives, whether that is our greatest fear, a stronghold that has kept us from experiencing the fullness of His love, a lie that has kept us from knowing who we are in Christ, or an idol sitting on the throne of our hearts.

I feel the fire of testing and pruning through trials in my own personal life. I feel as though I am engaged in the greatest battle I have ever faced so far in my life. If you feel like you’re in a similar season, know that we will come out of the fiery trials victorious and forever changed! We will soar higher than we could have ever flown with our own might and cover distance farther than our wildest dreams. I believe this is a critical season to press into His presence, even if our feelings and thoughts say otherwise. We are being divinely set-up for breakthrough and aligned for His greater purposes for our lives. Praise the Lord for victory in the small battles because the war is about to be won!

The Importance of Vision

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Our hearts become void of hope and get robbed of courage when we lose vision. We lose vision when we see ourselves or our circumstances through distorted lenses. To help us see rightly, the Lord put eternity into our hearts and promised to make everything beautiful in its own time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Out of all of creation the Lord could have chosen to place eternity, He chose to place it in the hearts of His sons and daughters. DO YOU EVER FEEL DESTINED FOR GREATNESS? It’s because you ARE destined for greatness. Maybe you have dreams in your heart that spring up once in a while. I believe this glimpse of clarity is the Father allowing us to peer through the curtains of time to see who we are in Him and what we will do for His Kingdom in our lifetime. Don’t get me wrong. His love for us always remains constant and overflowing. Even if we never do a single thing for Him in our lives, the degree to which He loves us wouldn’t change because His love is unconditional. But when He allows us to peer through the curtains of eternity, we gain strength and vision. We know the goal and purpose of our adversity, pain, trials, and seasons of pruning. The fruit we bear in our lives and the advancement we make for His Kingdom are worth it all. Our assignments may differ but we all carry Christ in us, the hope of glory (Colossians 1:27). It’s not a matter of IF we will receive His promises over our lives, it’s simply a matter of when. He is true to His word. Let’s remember to see clearly in the midst of the storm and have joy knowing that the testing of our faith through the storm produces endurance and when our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete, lacking nothing (James 1:2-4).

 

Conquering Fear with Courage

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Journeying through this life with God is definitely an incredible adventure. From my personal experience, I can absolutely testify that He takes me from glory to glory but usually that new level of glory doesn’t come without courage. Looking back at my personal growth with the Lord, I see how far he’s brought me out from the pit of destruction all the way to placing my feet on solid ground. I can rest assured in knowing that the Holy Spirit is even more committed to my sanctification than I am. The only challenge with the process is that we are only sanctified to the degree we surrender and say “yes” to the Lord in facing our fears and sins. This requires incredible courage.

As I mature in the Lord, I find that there’s always deeper healing and more freedom to be had. Fears I thought I had dealt with are exposed as the Lord very gently yet very deliberately brings them to the light. For example, I had a very chaotic and tumultuous upbringing. Ever since I can remember, I was driven by fear. If I was given a responsibility, I carried it out in the fear of thinking that if I failed to carry it out, I’d get severely punished. Because I had lived with this fear almost my entire life, I had come to be very comfortable with the feeling of fear and anxiety. I was almost deceived to the point that it was normal and that without it I’d even be unproductive. I’d give excuses saying that I loved working under pressure. But as I grew in the Lord and started experiencing longer and longer spurts of freedom, I learned to discern these feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety and rightfully began to HATE them. Once you get a taste of freedom, there’s no turning back. I am entirely committed to facing all of my fears so that I can go back to my originally-designed state of freedom. One fear I still struggle with is the fear of man. Many people think i’m bold and that these fears no longer have any effect on me, but that is far from the truth. Although I desperately try to anchor myself in my true identity in Christ, I continue to realize new remnants of my troublesome past. At times, it can manifest in an unhealthy desire to please others or even in feeling that i have no voice. It is then that the Lord reminds me that we are not meant to act from a place of anxiety or fear. We are meant to act from a place of peace and rest! Our inheritance is unlimited joy, freedom, and every good gift from our Heavenly Father!

Kris Vallotton very wisely says, “Courage does not mean you don’t have feelings of fear. We all can have feelings of fear. Courage is rather not making decisions based on those feelings but based on the truth of God regardless of how you feel.” Courage is something that God places in our hearts. Without God and community, it is impossible to do anything we are remotely scared of. When we are in fellowship with Christ, He strengthens us and encourages us to keep pressing in because there will be breakthrough! Just the same, when we are in fellowship with each other, we encourage or inject courage into each other so that we can keep pressing in on our journey no matter how hard the enemy fights us or how much he tries to DIScourage us. He is out to search, kill, and destroy everything that is made in the likeness of God. He knows that God’s children are made in His image and inherit everything He has. The enemy also knows that the time of his reign on earth is limited so he tries to steal our courage in everything we do. Unfortunately, he has succeeded in discouraging many good Christians away from their godly callings and divine paths. But if there is one thing I know, it is that God is infinitely greater and stronger than absolutely anything Satan or any of his minions can throw at us! As long as we have breath, there will be grace and redemption. That is the God we believe in. He is so beautiful and easy to love because He always works for the good of those who love Him.

As we continue on this journey, let’s remember who our real enemy is. If we are to have success as the body of Christ, we must not get caught up in jealously, comparison, lust, or pride. Rather, we must love and encourage one another in unity. This will allow us to flourish as individuals and as a corporate body of Christ. We will be able to bring the best versions of ourselves for His Kingdom and for His glory.

The Journey of a Kang and Queen

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A friend recently asked me how Jason and I came to actually get married. For those of you who know us, we’ve dated for 7 years and most of those years, we were living in complete and utter darkness. That part of our testimony I’ll share at a later time. Here’s what I responded with:

I met a prophet whom my sister knew and trusted very much, and when I first met him, he told me things only God and I knew. Like the times I wanted to kill myself when I was getting abused by my mom (my mom and my relationship has been redeemed since then! She is really great!) and he went into great detail. But for about a year before I met him and I was dating Jason, I felt in my heart that we were supposed to break up. Not because I didn’t love Jason or he didn’t love me, but because we became complete idols to each other. As you probably already know, Jason and I didn’t get together in the most honorable way. We hurt a lot of people in the process and probably deserved a lot of the hate and anger that came to us. We truly felt like we were wearing a scarlet letter with people we knew at that time. We isolated ourselves and had a “we need to work out no matter what” attitude.

As I personally grew with the Lord and had crazy encounters with Him, I realized that Jason and my relationship was the hardest thing I could surrender to the Lord. So by the time the prophet said that to me, I already knew in my heart that we needed to break up. Another thing he told me was that my future husband was praying for me and that his prayers were hitting me right now because God is not bound by time. That always stuck with me.

So Jason and I had a talk and he was INSANELY calm and he agreed that we were idols to each other (which really was the grace of God). Jason and I mutually agreed that we would break up because this was what God wanted and we had no intention of getting back together in the future. I took a whole month to quit my job, gather my stuff, and move out to Azusa (living in Susanna and Paul’s living room).

I had a very strange peace about everything. My heart felt like it was literally saran wrapped with peace and grace. For the next 4 months, I met new friends who encouraged me to do Circuit Riders through YWAM and I worked on my relationship with the Lord. I felt so much freedom and grew in intimacy with the Lord. The strange part was that every time I closed my eyes to pray, I saw visions of Jason. He was really broken and crying. God lead me to pray for him. In a specific vision, I saw an angel of the Lord above Jason and knew that God was taking care of him. I decided to call him one day because in another vision he was bawling and I wanted to make sure he was okay. He was telling me that due to the break up, he was faced to actually choose God or keep going on the path of partying, drinking, and destruction. When he faced those two paths, he very deliberately chose God. When we were dating before and I was growing with the Lord, in my immaturity, I tried to convince him that God was real in the way I experienced him. My spiritual eyes were open to the works of the Holy Spirit and because Jason was always so doubtful, I tried to force him to believe things (my intentions were good but my maturity with the Lord and faith in him was so small at that time). In hindsight, I know that the Lord broke us up because he needed to work in my heart but more importantly, Jason needed to know that he was choosing Jesus because of his own will, not because I was forcing him to.

Going back to the story, when Jason and I talked after 4 months of silence, Jason told me how he chose the Lord and realized he wasn’t leading a relationship pleasing to the Lord. He told me he was praying for me every day (he still does 🙂 ). He said if we got together, he would lead me and love me in the way Jesus designed a relationship to be. So we decided to fast and pray for a week about it. After a week of praying, both of us felt an overwhelming amount of peace to give it another try. So we decided to get together and do it the right way — with God as the center. It truly felt like a new relationship. Jason put in a lot of effort to pursue me the way Jesus wanted all the while pursing God, too. I kept seeing a change in him and in my own heart. To be honest, I had many doubts even during that time because I was thinking, “God, you told us to break up. Is this why? Is it so that Jason would choose you with his own will?” And He responded to me. He said, “Do you remember all those prayers you sowed into him for all those years? Prayers of him loving me and being completely abandoned for me? I searched his heart and knew that that was his desire, too.”

I know it sounds kind of crazy but breaking up was the most pivotal and important decision we would both make. We were able to surrender our “god” and declare that only Jesus could take that place. I realize now that that’s what God wanted in the end. It wasn’t about Him choosing a specific spouse for us (which he can definitely do in some cases) but he knew that in our hearts, we both genuinely loved each other — we just didn’t know how to get to the healthy place He wanted for us. As you know, we’re married now and really, really, really happy. God is so good! I feel his love for Jason and me as partners and individuals every day. I have so much confidence in knowing that Jason intentionally pursues Jesus and me. We don’t take each other for granted. We also have a confidence in knowing that we are battle proven. No matter what Satan throws at us, we can weather that storm because we’ve been through crazier circumstances in the past and overcame them with Jesus.

I’m always so blown away by Jesus and his unconditional and infinite love. We definitely don’t deserve it, but his heart is to love all of us with such unstoppable love, favor, and grace. So it seems, I can never stop praising God because I know in my heart I can be evil, but he called out the best in us and even gave us the grace to step out into that truth.

I hope this answers your question! But please don’t ever hesitate to ask! It’s a testimony because the very essence of testimony is that God will do it again.

New Every Morning

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“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” – Lamentations 3:22-23

It stuns me that God’s mercies are new every morning. Every single morning we have NEW mercies freely given by God! When God says new, it means something entirely different from our definition of new. Just like in Revelations it talks about the four living creatures with six wings and eyes all around and within, and day and night they NEVER cease to say, “Holy, holy, holy, is The Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!” (Revelations 4:8). The four angels are in the perfect presence of God and are receiving NEW revelations of God every second. A download of an entirely different revelation and dimension of his love and of his goodness, every second for eternity long. They can’t cease to praise Him and aren’t even able to look at Him due to His imminent glory. Even typing this makes me want to burst. My physical mind and body can’t comprehend how good, how deep, how wide, how long, how great his love is and we’ll get to learn this for eternity long.

I’m realizing more and more that my stay in Mexico City is multi-layered and multi-dimensional. I’m getting the best spiritual and physical rest I’ve ever had in years. I strongly believe this is true because Benny and Janice’s home is heavily anointed with healing and saturated with the Lord’s peace. I am receiving intense healing as well as cutting soul ties made from past relationships. I recently cut a soul tie (I thought I cut over a year ago) made with someone I believed I loved back in high school. I’ve been haunted with dreams of that person for many years all the way up until I cut the soul tie a couple days ago. That period of time in my life was definitely one of the darkest times whether it was home life or social life. I made so many inner vows, living in this fantasy dream world I created to escape the reality of depression, pain, hopelessness, and darkness. Korean dramas didn’t help (haha – but seriously). I also realize after my session with Janice that cutting a soul tie is so much deeper and heavily layered than I thought. I even rescued back the part of my heart I lost in that experience and also the butterfly feelings I left back there many years ago! As I was renouncing all the lies and curses, I literally felt a lift of all that heaviness that was on me all these years and was restored with Jesus’ joy, peace, and hope. I have always been a believer and advocate of inner healing, but after the past couple sessions with Janice, I believe everyone should get it. We all have some sort of hurt or affliction we’ve faced at a certain point in our lives. We even have hurts that we’ve forgotten about. It’s so important to give it to The Lord. It’s His burden to carry any way. He even wants the pain.

I’ve had the honor of being Janice’s shadow here. She has gotten permission from all the girls at the Well for me to sit in on their inner healing sessions. But before I get into that, let me introduce you to Janice. She is one of the most gifted, humble, God fearing, God loving women I’ve had the utmost honor of meeting. She is really abandoned for Him and embodies the Proverbs 31 woman. Like really. Janice and her husband were called as missionaries here to open up the Well – a safe house for trafficked victims eight years ago. She is so content with what she has and finds joy in the smallest things. She was designed to do hard work in the trenches. Because the Holy Spirit moves so powerfully through her, it keeps her humble. There’s no formula to follow for these inner healing sessions. For each session and each girl, God says something entirely different. Being her shadow these past couple weeks have taught me so much more than what I’ve learned in the past couple years. She is such an answer to my prayers and to all the questions I’ve been asking the Lord for many years. Being able to partner with Janice in these sessions have sharpened my spiritual gifts as we would confirm each other’s revelations or see different revelations the Lord wants to bring freedom to in that girl’s life. The inner healing sessions has increased my faith in the Lord as well as humbled me. I’ve learned that EVERY act requires faith and humility ushers in the Spirit.

Although the average person may have around 6 critical areas from their life to heal from, the average list for these girls is about 40. They have been severely broken from a familial, spiritual, and physical level. Their stories are so tragic with some of them being sold into slavery by their very own parents out of greed for money or some of them falling into deception when a pimp paints a better life for them and pulls them out of a small village with a promise of a great job waiting for them. Some pimps even impregnate the girls telling them that they’re their husbands. They will then use the child as ransom and make them sell their bodies or else their child’s life will be in danger. I can go on and on with tragic stories. But amongst the tragedy, I see new mercies for these girls. I see Him restoring their identity, their worth, and their dreams. Seeing Jesus work so gently with them and seeing the courage these girls have (beaten but not defeated) just fuels my heart all the more to chase after God. I am so jealous for these girls. The theme song for this trip has been this:

Come away with me, come away with me
It’s not too late; it’s never too late for you
I (God) have a plan for you; I have a plan for you
It’s going to be wild! It’s going to be great! It’s going to be full of me!
Open up your heart and let me in

My heart sings this song over these girls, the pimps, and the johns. I want them to come away with Jesus. The Healer, The Protector, The Messiah, The Truth, The Life, The Bridegroom, The Provider, The Sanctuary, The Redeemer, The Good Shepard, The Great I Am, The King of Kings, The Lord of Hosts, The Holy One, The Bright and Morning Star…

It’s never too late. His mercies are NEW EVERY morning.