Jesus

Death and Resurection

Posted on by christinekang

clouds-808748_1280“Truly, truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” – John 12:24

For some of my friends who know my story, they know that it’s been a tumultuous journey to say the least. Growing up with physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse prevalent in my childhood to adulthood did something to me; to my soul. The utter destruction of a child’s soul is this – when there is no parent with love to hug the child in joy and sadness, when there is no grace abounding when you spill milk because the gallon of milk was too heavy for you to carry, when there is no mom or dad waiting at home with open arms to ask you about how your day at school was, when they are not there to ask if you need help on your homework, when your good intentions are constantly in question, and worst of all, when you start believing your worth is not worth much at all.

That is a very slight glimpse into my childhood. I remember chaos. I remember trauma. I remember death. Death to my voice being heard, death to my worth, death to my confidence. But very recently the Lord asked if I remember life. The happiest I have ever been has been only the few recent years of my life when God made it known to me that all my life “he drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.” (Psalm 40:2-3) Those verses are the song my spirit sings every morning. I can’t contain how good God is. How he’s rescued me over and over and over again. He’s called me to do the same with the poor, and the needy, and the weak. It’s my honor to serve the God, my Daddy, who has kept me alive and safe until this very day!

God gave me a vision before coming to Mexico City. He showed me that I will be like Jane from Tarzan taking as many notes as I can and soaking in the environment, sharpening my spiritual gifts, but most of all receiving a deeper level of healing. I realize my heart and eyes burn for the Lord’s justice. Unfortunately, until I know complete life and resurrection, that scale will always be off balanced. Justice to the Lord is two parts: holy anger at seeing the destruction of his children in captive to the enemy but also seeing the captors through his eyes of mercy and grace. I realized that the Lord’s throne is founded on two strong pilars. The one is Justice and the other Righteousness. But Mercy and Truth walk BEFORE him as his attendants (Psalm 8:14).

I understand death, but I want to fully understand life. The Lord has heard my prayers for many years of asking him to heal me deeper from the destruction of my past. My deepest desire is to understand what it means to hold God’s tears but also hold his joy and from that overflow, He can do something in me and through my life.

It’s been such an honor staying with Benny and Janice (the missionaries) in Mexico City. They’re such an answered prayer for me! I’ve been asking the Lord to teach me what it looks like to hold his tears and his joy and they are the prime example of that. Benny has this amazing heart for justice and to set the captives free. He is a man full of life, passion, vision, and love. Janice is the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman (which I will be blogging about in the near future). Her heart is so abandoned and in love with the Lord. She has similar spiritual giftings as me and it’s so amazing to be able to shadow her and ask her questions right on the spot. She is definitely an answered prayer as I remember asking God for so much clarity and guidance with certain experiences. Being in the field with this power couple and having full access to their love, experiences, failures, successes, revelations, and wisdom is opening my eyes to a new dimension of how God works. It’s also such a breath of fresh air to be around a couple who are so in love with God, with each other, and work so incredibly well in ministry together. I believe that an amazing marriage starts with friendship. They are not only great ministry partners, but they are great friends! This family definitely has uncion (Spanish for anointing) and God’s favor! Being around a family who exemplifies God’s design of how a family structure works gives me hope for my future family.

Learning to die and to live and seeing that in full effect with Benny, Janice, and the El Pozo de Vida team has been life giving and humbling. I love them so much and am enjoying my journey of healing and greater intimacy with God here in Mexico City.

Beautiful Things

Posted on by christinekang

“God designed your life for the purpose of making it beautiful”

Before I start updating about this amazing journey so far, I just really have to express my deepest gratitude to my brothers and sisters who have and continue to support me. Thank you for every single prayer as I seriously feel it shielding me, lifting me up, guiding me, but most of all, I feel the love! Thank you. To my brothers and sisters who have been and are continuing to support me financially, thank you as well! None of this would be possible without your partnership. I’m just so blown away by the family of God.

The past couple days have been life changing. I came down to Mexico City with a team from Newsong. The team consisted of 13 people and the plan was that they stay for 5 days and I stay for a month. The past 5 days with the team and with Benny and Janice (the missionaries here) have been the definition of Philippians 2. Complete unity and humility exemplified in each member of the team:

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by being obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

On one of the nights we had the honor of throwing a Flash Mob on Sullivan St. This street is the main street where the prostitutes stand. There are about 100 girls standing down this stretch of street and there are constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY cars lined up to check out these girls and pick up the ones they approve.

A little background, the girls get paid anywhere from 5-10 pesos (equivalent to around $0.30 – $0.60USD) per client. Double for unprotected sex and the pimps tell the girls to take those clients because it’s good money. Each girl owes her pimp 300 pesos each day and anything left over is their’s. If we do the math, that’s around 30 clients per day. Almost impossible. There is a lot of mind control and greed in play. My fire for these girls was desperate.

As we set up the Flash Mob party station with hot chocolate, taco station, manicure & hand massage station for the girls, I grab a cup of hot chocolate and walk across the street to talk to the girls and see if they wanted one. I saw their pimp scanning the area and making sure his “merchandise” was safe. His face looked so hardened. I hear the Lord telling me to give the cup of hot chocolate to the pimp and I immediately say “NO!” but the Lord says again, ” Give it to him.” So I reluctantly agree because usually when the Lord asks to do something, He wants to release heaven through you. If he asks twice, you better get moving (haha). So I approach him and have a conversation with him in Spanish:

Me: hola.
Pimp: (ignores me and looks away)
Me: (angrily) Hola! Quiere chocolate caliente?
Pimp: No.
Me: come on!!! Hace frio no??? Tengo frio.
Pimp: sí. (Hesitantly takes hot chocolate)

This did something to me. I had a chance to love the pimp and humanize him. His name is Carlos! It was evident that he had to harden his heart to be in this industry. He’s internalized that he was a monster and beyond redemption and it showed in his physical appearance. I’m going to pray for him. God placed his love for his son in me as we chatted and connected on a very human level. We crossed paths twice more that night and he taught me a couple Spanish words. By the time I saw him again, his face completely changed! It was much softer somehow and much brighter. I felt the goodness of the Lord and his heart for Carlos as the Lord pointed out that he is simply a little boy who has been hurt and afflicted in the past. God loves Carlos so much. He is after his heart. Shame & darkness perpetuates shame & darkness but I will be like Christ and take those nails and say that he is a son and that he is worthy enough for God’s love. Who am I to judge? Through this humbling experience I’m even more convinced of our mission as Christians:

1. Love God
2. Love others

Through loving God, the overflow of his grace, love, and forgiveness gives us the ability to love others. But it’s from that place of stillness in the Lord’s presence that anything good can happen in us and through us. God is moving here. He wants to make beautiful things out of every single son and daughter he has created. I’m so blown away by this experience as I struggled in my own heart with judging the “unlovable” and “unforgivable”. I’m learning God’s heart for justice and how he is desperate to set the captives free. Captives who are enslaved to greed, control, shame, unforgiveness, deception, etc. He wants to reunite with his children. Hear the Father’s cry. He is waiting with abounding grace and arms wide open to receive those of his children who have been separated from Him. God bless you.

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